Some kind of gnome or something...

At some point in every Planetarium show I spin the sky overhead. I try to warn them a little bit beforehand, because it can get a little disorienting, for sure. As it happens I remind them that this is what the sky would actually look like if the Earth spun faster. "You'd be dizzy all the time!" I like to tell them. They usually chuckle.

The group I had yesterday had a boy who reacted a bit differently. "That'll be cool," he said. "I'm already dizzy all the time."

"That's kind of unfortunate," I said.

"Eh," he just kind of shrugged. No big deal.

Later in the show I had showed all the planets. I just got to Pluto and was about to mention it's less-than-planet status. I said, "If you guys were here last year I would have talked about another planet..."

At this point they usually realize I am talking about Pluto and shout that out.

In case you're living under a large rock, and don't know it, we have decided to call Pluto a Dwarf Planet (turns out I hate that term -- makes it sound that Pluto is too small to be a planet, not true, just turns out we found out Pluto is part of a crowd, b basically another asteroid belt. If we want to call Pluto a planet still, we'd also have to add dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands of planets to the list).

Anyway, dwarf planet. Sheesh.

As I was introduced Pluto one kid yelled out, "It's not a planet, it's an elf planet!"

Ooh. So close, dude. So close.

[Read previous blog entry before this one.]

I responded to the e-mail below, and mentioned I couldn't understand a freaking word she said.

Maybe, just maybe, this explains it... Her response, cut-and-pasted:

Thts right cohen hall! Cool my keys on this blackberry r goin down down down! Thanks see ya friday!

I'm not sure exactly what that means. I guess her e-mailing device is not working properly.

I know my brain pain is not going down down down.

I'd like to buy a vowel...

This is one (probably the final one) of a series of e-mails that I have received from someone headed to the Planetarium this Friday night. I just had to blog it, I've taken as much as I can! Wish I saved the others so I could show you how long and atrociously this has been going on.

Cut-and-pasted:

Hey chris... Where is entrance for plnetarium again? Hwhich blding do I enter? It's been a while. Sorry! Also, I received a bill from the college re: this event what shld I do with tht? Lmk when u get. Chance and looking forwrd to seeing u 7:30 sharp!

Now, I know my own blog is riddled with typos. I really don't think this is a case of pot-and-kettle, though. I swear to you I am at least TRYING. This, I think, is typed by a person recovering from heroin.

This is an adult! A PARENT!! I know she has her own small business as an American Sign Language interpreter!!!

What the hell could the sentence "Lmk when u get." even possibly mean?!

My brain hurts.

I had a high school group in today. The show was supposed to be about navigation. I can do that, but not for the whole hour... "There's the North Star. You use it to find North. The higher up it is the more North you are." What do I do for the other 59 minutes and 37 seconds?

Well, I talked about how the sky has been used for lots of reference... map, compass, calendar, illustrated storybook. AND we went on lots of tangents of stuff the kids seemed interested in. I thought it went well. It was actually a fun and interesting show. The kids seemed happy -- however, teachers did not seem thrilled. It's OK, I can't win them all. Or maybe they were happy, and just don't show it much.

It was a small group and a lot of questions came up during the show. I can deal with this in a group this size, and it worked great. We were talking about Betelgeuse a little, and the kids were wondering if, when it goes supernova, it would hurt us here on Earth. I assured them it would not. One kid had a follow-up question: "I was wondering... are penguins immune to radiation?"

Just when I think I've heard every possible question, somebody chucks me a curveball like that!

The Ancient Astronomer

At the end of a show, kids often ask if I built the Planetarium projector in the middle of the room.

This happened this morning, and this is how it went...

Kid: "Did you build that machine?"

Me: "Well, I was one year old when that was installed, so I was no help at all in building it!"

This NORMALLY gets a little chuckle. Not this time. This time the kid's eyes just got all wide... "WOW! That thing must be OLD!"

I got kind of quiet and said, "*-sigh-* Yup. Really, really old."

One of the teachers thought that was hilarious.

I had a group this morning. When they arrived, I was just sitting outside in the shade. I was feeling pretty unmotivated, and just sort of grunted a hello. They asked if they could go in (they were very excited!), and I said, "I suppose so."

So I ambled inside, and sat them down.

I got into show mode pretty quickly (screaming at them, getting them all laughy and wound up), but I think my earlier attitude stuck with some of them. About half way through the show this one kid, with no humor in his voice whatsoever, said to me all sorts of matter-of-facty, "You know. You are a lot funnier than I thought you were going to be."

I'll take it as a compliment!

Gutbusters

I do a lot of screaming at children in my planetarium shows. It really gets out a lot of frustration. If you haven't screamed at the top of your lungs to a room of 65 seven-year-olds, you have not lived. Trust me, it's awesome.

What happens is this: I ask a stupid question ("Mercury is hotter than your oven. If the oven is on is it a good idea to go inside?"). They yell out an answer. Sometimes they answer appropriately, sometimes they get all wise-assy and answer a stupid question with a stupid answer. No matter how they respond, a second later I scream at the top of my lungs in a horribly annoyed tone: "NOOOO! Stay out of the oven!! What're'ya crazy!!?"

The kids, in general, go wild. They laugh and laugh. Soon they get into it, and whenever I ask a stupid question they respond stupidly, just so I will scream louder. And everytime I do, they laugh harder.

I had a girl who laughed harder than anyone I've ever seen. It actually didn't matter what I'd say after a while she'd just be there cackling away.

At one point, through agonized breaths, she pleaded: "Please. Stop. No. More. Please. My guts are gonna fall out!"

OK, that got me laughing. The teacher next to her got laughing.

Not sure if there are any stand up comedians out there reading this, but if so, please vouch for me when I say: When you're killing, you don't back off. No presenter is going to say "Oh, they are enjoying themselves WAY too much, I'd better stop doing such a good job." Oh, no. I just POURED it on thicker than ever.

I thought the girl was going to die. Literally. Just stop breathing and die. That doesn't mean I backed off then, either -- hey, I have to give them a good show!

After the group left (she could hardly walk... still laughing on the way out) I realized that I could have made a horrible, horrible mistake. But I checked the seat she was sitting in. It was dry.

A Year and a Half?!?

Holy moley -- I haven't posted in a year and a half. Amazed the blog is still here. Glad Blogger doesn't kill off unattended Blogs.

So, why have I come back? Well, we are moving forward quickly in upgrading the Planetarium... I was in Chadds Ford, PA on Monday and got to experience a Digistar 3 digital projection system. And I was blown away.

And then, yesterday, a guy came to give us estimates on redoing the seats.

This process can only lead to chaos and hilarity. And, hopefully, a whole new theater!

I won't get too excited until the new system is actually installed, because I've been horribly, horribly let down before...

But, fingers are crossed.