Weekend Birthdays.
I had 2 birthday parties on Saturday -- Party #1: a six-year old girl. Party #2: a nine-year old girl.
I know I've said this before, but I don't think I can do birthdays anymore. I feel like I should be making balloon animals while wearing a big red nose. It's really rather demoralizing as 6 year olds all chant commands at you -- one kid yelled, "HEY! Make the sky move again! Turn the sky!" And then they all started chanting, "Turn... The... Sky! Turn... The... Sky! Turn... The... Sky!" So I turned the sky. They cheered. I stopped it. "Do it again!" the first kid yelled again. And of course, it was followed by the chant: "Do... It... Again! Do... It... Again! Do... It... Again!" I guess it's easier than trying to talk at them.
The six-year old group brought glow sticks. I've had it happen before. The parents seemed like intelligent people, and have been to my public shows before... they should have known better. They seemed so shocked when I suggested that the glowsticks might be a bad idea in a room that is supposed to be dark. "They're not bright," the mother told me, "it should be fine."
"Just wait and see..." I told her.
...and it was like I didn't even turn off the lights. The glow was tremendous. The entire room was a sickly green color -- it sort of looked like we were using night-vision goggles. IT looked kind of wild and creepy. Even thought it was a neat effect, you couldn't actually see any stars. I told them to stick them in a pocket or to sit on them. They liked that.
RIght before the first program, there was a 5 year old boy, probably one of the siblings of the girls at the party, who gazed, wide-eyed, at the planetarium projector, and said to the person next to him (I assume it was his father), "I think we are about to be hypnotized."
"Why do you think that?" his father asked.
"I saw it on a show."
Ohmigod. The only show I can imagine he is talking about is the "Plane'arium" episode of South Park. This kid was NOT older than 5. Yeeps -- he'll be warped for life. ["It warped my fragile little mind." -- Cartman]
Both shows had a notable moment related to the Mars Exploration Rovers' Rock Abrasion Tool; it's a little device that will scrape away little holes to look inside the rocks on Mars.
During the 6 year old show, when I was showing the device, one of the boys at the show yelled out, "Does that thing have a light saber on board?"
"Uh... no," I replied.
"Because they could do that a lot better and easier if it had a light saber," he told me.
"Oh," I replied.
"I wish I had a light saber," he added.
"Me, too," I told him.
During the 9-year old party, which was the second one, basically at exactly the same time as the "light saber" comment in the previous program, one of the girls yelled out, "It looks like a blow dryer!"
Due to the acoustics of the room (OK, it was probably just my immature vile brain, but I can blame it on the room if I want to!), I actually thought she said, "It looks like a blow job."
I was horrified for an instant. These were 9 year old girls! They shouldn't be saying things like that! But then, my brain's grammar check went into action. This happens a lot -- I hear one thing, and then my brain goes on a context-check and realizes what the person actually said.
It occurs quickly, but it goes something like this inside my brain: Blow job?! She couldn't have said that. Maybe it was 'snow job'? No, that doesn't fit either. 'Door knob'? Nope. 'Corn on the cob'? Uh, uh. 'Blow dryer'? YEAH! That must have been it. Phew.
That entire stream happens in a fraction of a second in my brain.
When I realized what I had thought, versus what she actually said, I started laughing. I couldn't help it. I was laughing at myself, really, for having such a vile thought. I was trying not to talk, because everytime I opened my mouth, I started laughing again. At the same time, a couple adults across the room were laughing, too. I think the same thought happened to them, but I can't be sure. There was no way I was going to ask!
I started making the laugh sound like a cough, and blamed it on a cold. I think the kids bought it. I "coughed" for the remaining 15 minutes of the show.
I'm actually not sure I can ever watch that video again.
Friday, November 21, 2003
The Best Way To Spend a Friday Night.
Urg.
Boy scout group.
Supposed to be here 40 minutes ago.
I wouldn't even have come in today if I didn't have this show. And they stood me up. I hope they call to reschedule -- I think they will find my calendar ludicrously filled. Maybe sometime in 2012.
Again, I say: Urg.
Well, this is it. I can wait no longer than this. I'm hungry. I'm cranky. I'm wishing people wouldn't be weenuses. I'm leaving a message on this person's answering machine. I'm out of here.
Urg.
Boy scout group.
Supposed to be here 40 minutes ago.
I wouldn't even have come in today if I didn't have this show. And they stood me up. I hope they call to reschedule -- I think they will find my calendar ludicrously filled. Maybe sometime in 2012.
Again, I say: Urg.
Well, this is it. I can wait no longer than this. I'm hungry. I'm cranky. I'm wishing people wouldn't be weenuses. I'm leaving a message on this person's answering machine. I'm out of here.
The First Time I Ever Snapped.
We always have done school shows on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays at 9:30, 11:00 and 12:30. ALWAYS. OK, for at least 20 years. I have not been here than long ( <2 years, actually), but the reservationist has. She confirmed.
I had a school group the other day that told me that they come here "all the time". They have some funky memory problems, though.
It was a group of third graders. And I do remember them from last year... since they were one of the worst schools that visited. They are a private school -- I think a catholic school -- they have to wear uniforms.
This year the kids weren't too bad.
They had the 9:30 time slot. They came sauntering down the walk at 9:40. The woman who runs the school came along, and she told me, "OH! OH! I saw this great thing on Nova last night about the Earth's magnetic field. SO, along with all the stuff I asked for -- the moon, constellations, the sun, gravity, the planets -- you need to do some stuff on the magnetic field of the Earth!"
I said, "Well, I will see what I can do. I don't have anything set up for that in the dome, and we are starting late already..."
"Oh, that's fine!" she interrupted. "We can stay later." She said this with such confidence -- as if this were a universal fact. She said it as if she had just made an imperial decree, and the law was now in effect.
"No you can't," I told her. "There is another show after you."
She tried glaring at me. I SWEAR I think she was trying to control me with her brainwaves. She pursed up her mouth and leaned forward a little. Her brow furrowed down, and her eyes got a little wider as if she was trying to beam some command right into my mind.
I brought them inside.
I did manage to get most things done. I talked a little quicker than normal, and even talked about some random facts of the Earth's magnetic field as we were spinning the sky.
At this point it is 10:45. They needed to get out of there, since the 11:00 show will likely show up 10 minutes early, and I need to reset all the equipment. So the lights came up, and I summed up, and told them that I normally do questions and answers, but this time I simply wouldn't have time.
The woman who runs the school piped up, "OH we're here until 11:00!" She had the same gaze-pierce she had before. Seriously, I think she was trying to do a Jedi mind trick on me.
"OH no you're not," I said back, and instantly regretted it. Not what I said, but how I said it. I completely and totally mocked her. I said it in exactly the same tone as her. I even raised my voice a little to make it sound like her. It was a completely and utter mockery in tone, inflection, and volume.
I can't do that, you see. I am Mr. Astronomy Guy. I have to be Mr. Friendly Astronomy Guy. I have to be happy and politically correct and gentle all the time. And I lost it. I never lose it.
"You guys have to go," I said, very gently, with resignation, head bowed enough that I had no eye contact. I just went back behind the control panel and fiddled the switches back to their position. Usually I give them a "Have a good day!" greeting as they exit. Not this time. I felt kind of beaten and tired.
And there were 2 more shows to go...
We always have done school shows on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays at 9:30, 11:00 and 12:30. ALWAYS. OK, for at least 20 years. I have not been here than long ( <2 years, actually), but the reservationist has. She confirmed.
I had a school group the other day that told me that they come here "all the time". They have some funky memory problems, though.
It was a group of third graders. And I do remember them from last year... since they were one of the worst schools that visited. They are a private school -- I think a catholic school -- they have to wear uniforms.
This year the kids weren't too bad.
They had the 9:30 time slot. They came sauntering down the walk at 9:40. The woman who runs the school came along, and she told me, "OH! OH! I saw this great thing on Nova last night about the Earth's magnetic field. SO, along with all the stuff I asked for -- the moon, constellations, the sun, gravity, the planets -- you need to do some stuff on the magnetic field of the Earth!"
I said, "Well, I will see what I can do. I don't have anything set up for that in the dome, and we are starting late already..."
"Oh, that's fine!" she interrupted. "We can stay later." She said this with such confidence -- as if this were a universal fact. She said it as if she had just made an imperial decree, and the law was now in effect.
"No you can't," I told her. "There is another show after you."
She tried glaring at me. I SWEAR I think she was trying to control me with her brainwaves. She pursed up her mouth and leaned forward a little. Her brow furrowed down, and her eyes got a little wider as if she was trying to beam some command right into my mind.
I brought them inside.
I did manage to get most things done. I talked a little quicker than normal, and even talked about some random facts of the Earth's magnetic field as we were spinning the sky.
At this point it is 10:45. They needed to get out of there, since the 11:00 show will likely show up 10 minutes early, and I need to reset all the equipment. So the lights came up, and I summed up, and told them that I normally do questions and answers, but this time I simply wouldn't have time.
The woman who runs the school piped up, "OH we're here until 11:00!" She had the same gaze-pierce she had before. Seriously, I think she was trying to do a Jedi mind trick on me.
"OH no you're not," I said back, and instantly regretted it. Not what I said, but how I said it. I completely and totally mocked her. I said it in exactly the same tone as her. I even raised my voice a little to make it sound like her. It was a completely and utter mockery in tone, inflection, and volume.
I can't do that, you see. I am Mr. Astronomy Guy. I have to be Mr. Friendly Astronomy Guy. I have to be happy and politically correct and gentle all the time. And I lost it. I never lose it.
"You guys have to go," I said, very gently, with resignation, head bowed enough that I had no eye contact. I just went back behind the control panel and fiddled the switches back to their position. Usually I give them a "Have a good day!" greeting as they exit. Not this time. I felt kind of beaten and tired.
And there were 2 more shows to go...
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Invasion.
I had some scouts last night.
FIRST OF ALL, the show should NEVER have even happened. I don't think that I ever talked in person to the guy setting it up. It was just phone messages back and forth. Which means he never filled out any paperwork. Which means he never sent in a deposit. Which means he never got parking permits. He basically just called and left a message earlier in the week which said, "I invited 40 people to the planetarium for Tuesday night. Hope that's OK."
He had asked for that date in a message once. I kept calling back and leaving messages telling him that the date was currently open, but he needed to talk to me directly in order for us to discus the program, set stuff up, and get him the documentation he needed for us to proceed. I said that he needed to do that in order for me to do a show at all. He apparently didn't care...
So, I knew they were coming, even though they should not have. And I had a feeling that it would be a slightly unruly crowd... generally if a parent can't even follow directions, the kids attached are monsters.
I had no idea of what was in store...
As is often the case with the scouts, I heard them before I saw them. The path leads at least 2 tenths of a mile from the Planetarium entrance -- I can see it that far. I could hear their screaming and wailing from over 2 tenths of a mile away. They came tearing down the hill like a band of invading Visigoths. The kids ran right by me and slammed into the wall, as if they were drag racing cars whose chutes did not deploy. They then started something between a cheer and a chant, and began pounding the walls. Note: This is a college, and classes were currently in session.
There is a bench by the entrance, and 2 newspaper dispensing machines. Within 30 seconds, they had pushed the bench about 10 feet away from the wall, and knocked over one of the newspaper machines! They were animals. Feral, raw, tribal, mob-style hordes of animals.
The parents meandered down the hill behind. I was just pointing at the kids and shaking my head, since there was obviously no words to describe the mayhem. I told them that the planetarium had a bunch of very expensive and sensitive equipment and that I would not do a show for the kids that were there. A couple parents rolled their eyes and decided that they would address their vandal offspring at that point. But they seemed really pissed off that I would actually ask for them to parent their children. It was unbelievable.
I righted the upturned vending machine, and immediately three kids ran and started yanking and slamming at the locked door. I just screamed, "Get away from it!" The kids just snicked their tongues and glared at me. (These are 2nd grade kids, by the way. SEVEN years old.)
Finally they stopped attempting to destroy everything in sight.
I was about to invite them in, and mentioned, sort of matter-of-factly, payment for the program. The parents of the scouts seemed quite surprised when I mentioned the concept of an admission price. I'm pretty sure they thought it was free. When I told them it was $3 for the kids, and $5 for the adults, many of their mouths just flapped open and closed like a guppy.
It took me 15 minutes to collect money. AND I think some of the parents were trying to sneak in without paying.
The show itself was not the worst I've ever done, but it certainly wasn't great. I can not begin to tell you how happy I was to get out of there.
They don't pay me enough...
I had some scouts last night.
FIRST OF ALL, the show should NEVER have even happened. I don't think that I ever talked in person to the guy setting it up. It was just phone messages back and forth. Which means he never filled out any paperwork. Which means he never sent in a deposit. Which means he never got parking permits. He basically just called and left a message earlier in the week which said, "I invited 40 people to the planetarium for Tuesday night. Hope that's OK."
He had asked for that date in a message once. I kept calling back and leaving messages telling him that the date was currently open, but he needed to talk to me directly in order for us to discus the program, set stuff up, and get him the documentation he needed for us to proceed. I said that he needed to do that in order for me to do a show at all. He apparently didn't care...
So, I knew they were coming, even though they should not have. And I had a feeling that it would be a slightly unruly crowd... generally if a parent can't even follow directions, the kids attached are monsters.
I had no idea of what was in store...
As is often the case with the scouts, I heard them before I saw them. The path leads at least 2 tenths of a mile from the Planetarium entrance -- I can see it that far. I could hear their screaming and wailing from over 2 tenths of a mile away. They came tearing down the hill like a band of invading Visigoths. The kids ran right by me and slammed into the wall, as if they were drag racing cars whose chutes did not deploy. They then started something between a cheer and a chant, and began pounding the walls. Note: This is a college, and classes were currently in session.
There is a bench by the entrance, and 2 newspaper dispensing machines. Within 30 seconds, they had pushed the bench about 10 feet away from the wall, and knocked over one of the newspaper machines! They were animals. Feral, raw, tribal, mob-style hordes of animals.
The parents meandered down the hill behind. I was just pointing at the kids and shaking my head, since there was obviously no words to describe the mayhem. I told them that the planetarium had a bunch of very expensive and sensitive equipment and that I would not do a show for the kids that were there. A couple parents rolled their eyes and decided that they would address their vandal offspring at that point. But they seemed really pissed off that I would actually ask for them to parent their children. It was unbelievable.
I righted the upturned vending machine, and immediately three kids ran and started yanking and slamming at the locked door. I just screamed, "Get away from it!" The kids just snicked their tongues and glared at me. (These are 2nd grade kids, by the way. SEVEN years old.)
Finally they stopped attempting to destroy everything in sight.
I was about to invite them in, and mentioned, sort of matter-of-factly, payment for the program. The parents of the scouts seemed quite surprised when I mentioned the concept of an admission price. I'm pretty sure they thought it was free. When I told them it was $3 for the kids, and $5 for the adults, many of their mouths just flapped open and closed like a guppy.
It took me 15 minutes to collect money. AND I think some of the parents were trying to sneak in without paying.
The show itself was not the worst I've ever done, but it certainly wasn't great. I can not begin to tell you how happy I was to get out of there.
They don't pay me enough...
Monday, November 17, 2003
I never thought about this...
Holy moley. I appear in search engines.
People can actually do a search for Mr. Astronomy Guy. Go ahead! Run on over to Google, and do it.
I come up first.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.
I always knew I might get a hit or two by being stumbled upon by people logging on to Blogger. But it's actually out there. Loose on the web. This seems dangerous to me.
But maybe I will get discovered, and asked to do a TV show like Bill Nye, The Science Guy.
That would be good. Because only then can I adequately take over the world.
I mean -- provide a fun and educational program to a world-wide audience.
Seriously. Forget that "take over the world" bit. I didn't mean it. I'm here for the children -- to educate the scientists of tomorrow. I am not working towards megalomaniacal ends. I'm not.
Really.
Holy moley. I appear in search engines.
People can actually do a search for Mr. Astronomy Guy. Go ahead! Run on over to Google, and do it.
I come up first.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.
I always knew I might get a hit or two by being stumbled upon by people logging on to Blogger. But it's actually out there. Loose on the web. This seems dangerous to me.
But maybe I will get discovered, and asked to do a TV show like Bill Nye, The Science Guy.
That would be good. Because only then can I adequately take over the world.
I mean -- provide a fun and educational program to a world-wide audience.
Seriously. Forget that "take over the world" bit. I didn't mean it. I'm here for the children -- to educate the scientists of tomorrow. I am not working towards megalomaniacal ends. I'm not.
Really.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Voice Mail Confusion.
I have just received a couple of voice mails from someone who was speaking rather quickly and confusedly.
I don't like to include actual names in my Blog, to protect the innocent, but I'm pretty sure she said that her name was "Fran Applecrisp". I thought it was unusual enough to mention. She left a couple messages about bringing a "small club" for a "Valentine's Day show". She doesn't know it, but I do have public shows on that day, and I am doing some of my storytelling shows for little kids. I can't imagine a Valentine's Day show request would include a little kids' show. The point: I won't be able to accommodate her request.
Here's the weirdest part: She didn't know the number of the phone from which she was calling! She left a couple messages saying that she would keep trying because she had "forgotten" her number. ANd even if she did remember it, it didn't matter because she was calling from a "temporary phone line". I didn't realize they made those!
"Hi, AT&T. I'd like a phone. Permanently?? Nope, just for 20 minutes or so."
So here's the only thing I can imagine -- her "small club" is a group of the homeless. And she was calling from a payphone that didn't have a number on it. I'm not sure what a Valentine's Day show for the homeless would be like. We shall see... If I find out, you can be sure that I will let you all know.
I have just received a couple of voice mails from someone who was speaking rather quickly and confusedly.
I don't like to include actual names in my Blog, to protect the innocent, but I'm pretty sure she said that her name was "Fran Applecrisp". I thought it was unusual enough to mention. She left a couple messages about bringing a "small club" for a "Valentine's Day show". She doesn't know it, but I do have public shows on that day, and I am doing some of my storytelling shows for little kids. I can't imagine a Valentine's Day show request would include a little kids' show. The point: I won't be able to accommodate her request.
Here's the weirdest part: She didn't know the number of the phone from which she was calling! She left a couple messages saying that she would keep trying because she had "forgotten" her number. ANd even if she did remember it, it didn't matter because she was calling from a "temporary phone line". I didn't realize they made those!
"Hi, AT&T. I'd like a phone. Permanently?? Nope, just for 20 minutes or so."
So here's the only thing I can imagine -- her "small club" is a group of the homeless. And she was calling from a payphone that didn't have a number on it. I'm not sure what a Valentine's Day show for the homeless would be like. We shall see... If I find out, you can be sure that I will let you all know.
Some People Are Just Insane.
I got this e-mail today (I swear that this is an exact cut-and-paste):
I have no idea who this person is or from where (s)he got my e-mail address.
There are many problems with this e-mail.
Problem #1: Whitespace?? I have no idea where one thought ends and another begins.
Problem #2: English?? This person definitely did not have English as a primary language. The grammar mistakes are uncountable.
Problem #3: A diagram?? I'm not sure how to show something re-centered upon center! If it was centered already, wouldn't that be on center? How did this thing get off center?
Problem #3: Does this person know what I do?? A typical show for me goes like this: "Hey little kindergarten kiddies, look at the pretty picture of Pegasus! Look at the pretty picture of Jupiter!" I show pictures to 6 year olds. I do not do anything that would ever even hint at a sentence like this one from his/her e-mail: "Maps at 12.5 l yrs. show modern discovered dim red dwarfs,50 l yrs. map too many unknown to me ."
Yipes.
I got this e-mail today (I swear that this is an exact cut-and-paste):
Hi.The center of the MW galaxy was found after the establishment of the use of Rt.A.&Dec..By simple(?)addition/subtraction change co-ordinates by 'transalation'Ex. Set the center as 0* instead of at 17,The position at 90*(+/_17*)would also point to where we are heading to,another 270*(+/-17*)would be from were we came from.Maps at 12.5 l yrs. show modern discovered dim red dwarfs,50 l yrs. map too many unknown to me .If using the Alpha stars of each sign of the 'zodiac'(a generalization understanding apparent/absolute Mag.),Could you please show diagram of Ecliptic re-centered upon center?Thanks!
I have no idea who this person is or from where (s)he got my e-mail address.
There are many problems with this e-mail.
Problem #1: Whitespace?? I have no idea where one thought ends and another begins.
Problem #2: English?? This person definitely did not have English as a primary language. The grammar mistakes are uncountable.
Problem #3: A diagram?? I'm not sure how to show something re-centered upon center! If it was centered already, wouldn't that be on center? How did this thing get off center?
Problem #3: Does this person know what I do?? A typical show for me goes like this: "Hey little kindergarten kiddies, look at the pretty picture of Pegasus! Look at the pretty picture of Jupiter!" I show pictures to 6 year olds. I do not do anything that would ever even hint at a sentence like this one from his/her e-mail: "Maps at 12.5 l yrs. show modern discovered dim red dwarfs,50 l yrs. map too many unknown to me ."
Yipes.
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Help Wanted.
I have to post this out there... I feel bad publishing this person's e-mail, (especially in the event of the the one-millionth of one percent chance that she sees this Blog... yipes!) because she means well. But I just don't know how to answer.
Here is the mail I got:
Let me re-state: "...he tends to be forgetful and can get a little confused."
OK, OK -- I know that I am often forgetful, and, at least as often, am confused.
I don't want to just say, "My Gracious, NO!" But that's what it is going to come down to. I don't need more confused people working here. I have enough trouble working by myself.
I have to post this out there... I feel bad publishing this person's e-mail, (especially in the event of the the one-millionth of one percent chance that she sees this Blog... yipes!) because she means well. But I just don't know how to answer.
Here is the mail I got:
My father is 81 and has expressed an interest in astronomy. He is still very active, although he tends to be forgetful and can get a little confused. I was wondering if there was anything you could recommend for him to do at the planetarium - perhaps a course, an astronomy club, a tour, maybe even a volunteer job.
Let me re-state: "...he tends to be forgetful and can get a little confused."
OK, OK -- I know that I am often forgetful, and, at least as often, am confused.
I don't want to just say, "My Gracious, NO!" But that's what it is going to come down to. I don't need more confused people working here. I have enough trouble working by myself.
A New Form of Annoyance
I had some birthday parties this weekend. That is always a joy for me. I do complain, and I do keep doing them, this is true. Starting next year, it should have some alleviation since I will only keep one weekend a month open for parties. If they can't do it on that day or two, they just don't get a show! That should cut down a bit on things like....
I was going over the planets, as requested by the parents of the completely disinterested birthday boy. It seemed to be going somewhat well... when I got to Jupiter, one kids said, "Jupiter is stupider."
I hadn't heard that one before!
Then, all the kids just started chanting...
"Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!"
It rose to a feverish pitch... it was a pretty incredible and horrible sound. It continued on for a while... they eventually settled down. But after that I really didn't care about the program at all. Which is only a little less than I had before the primal chanting.
However: I do get the last laugh.... I just looked it up: "stupider" isn't even a real word!
Ha!
Stupid kids.
And these kids: even stupider than most.
I had some birthday parties this weekend. That is always a joy for me. I do complain, and I do keep doing them, this is true. Starting next year, it should have some alleviation since I will only keep one weekend a month open for parties. If they can't do it on that day or two, they just don't get a show! That should cut down a bit on things like....
I was going over the planets, as requested by the parents of the completely disinterested birthday boy. It seemed to be going somewhat well... when I got to Jupiter, one kids said, "Jupiter is stupider."
I hadn't heard that one before!
Then, all the kids just started chanting...
"Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!
Jupiter! Stupider!"
It rose to a feverish pitch... it was a pretty incredible and horrible sound. It continued on for a while... they eventually settled down. But after that I really didn't care about the program at all. Which is only a little less than I had before the primal chanting.
However: I do get the last laugh.... I just looked it up: "stupider" isn't even a real word!
Ha!
Stupid kids.
And these kids: even stupider than most.