Davy Crotchet.
One of the birthday parties from this weekend was a small group of 7 and 8 year old kids. I think there 11 kids and 5 adults. One of the adults was the birthday boy's grandfather, and this was quite the crotchety old man....
The kids were just about settled in, and I was about to begin my little discourse. The grandfather leans forward out of his seat and screams (I swear it can only be described as a scream), "WHEN THE HELL IS THIS THING GOING TO START?!?!?"
Holey moley. I think I peed my pants, just a little.
He was a scary old coot. And, I'm guessing, a bit hard of hearing. He yelled a few incomprehensible things during the program ("WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" , "THAT DAMN THING LOOKS LIKE A WATERMELON!!!", "I DON'T THINK I'D WANT TO GET ON ONE OF THOSE!!"), and I was scared at those times, as well.
The kids seemed to enjoy themselves, but the chatter certainly ceased every time grandpa had a mini fit.
The show got over and I dismissed the people down to the cafeteria, and I retired to my office to try to stop shaking. I had nearly reached a state of composure when I saw grandpa doing a slow slumped shuffle past my small office door window. I heard the doorknob rattling, and I had a panic attack like a character in a bad horror movie.
Grandpa managed to open the door. He leaned in and yelled, "IS THIS THE JOHN??"
"No, sir," I said in my best appease-the-psychopath voice.
He then asked, "WELL WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMN JOHN, THEN!!!??"
"Just down the hall a bit," I told him, trying to both not stare in horror AND not look away in fear at the same time.
He just kind of growled and walked back out of my office.
As soon as he was gone, I ran up, turned off my office light and huddled behind my computer.
Monday, October 27, 2003
That Famous Belt.
The number one most recognized constellation is Orion. Most people recognize that famous hourglass shape quickly. Most have heard of the Belt of Orion, and recognize those 3 stars in a row. There is really only one place in the sky where there are three stars in an almost perfect straight line, the same brightness, and the same distance apart. The Belt of Orion just jumps right out. Kids, adults -- doesn't matter, usually.
Orion is a winter constellation, and since the weather is getting colder, it is now being incorporated into my programs. A birthday party for 6 year olds was one of the programs this weekend, and Orion needed to make an appearance. Usually they know him, and like seeing him up there on the dome.
I usually try to get the to shout him out... I point him out, and say:
"A lot of people recognize this constellation in the sky. It is a big famous guy..."
[sometimes a kid has guessed "Orion!" by now... if not, I continue, and this always gets them...]
"...he's wearing a very famous belt..."
At this point in every other show I have done, the kids are shouting "ORION! ORION!"
Except this time. Silence. Utter and complete.
About 20 seconds of agony goes by, and I am about to tell them, when I hear a gasp of recognition as one kid yells out...
"SANTA!!"
I thought I was going to have to scrape the adults off the floor. They were in hysterics. I couldn't do anything though, since I was laughing as hard as they were.
The number one most recognized constellation is Orion. Most people recognize that famous hourglass shape quickly. Most have heard of the Belt of Orion, and recognize those 3 stars in a row. There is really only one place in the sky where there are three stars in an almost perfect straight line, the same brightness, and the same distance apart. The Belt of Orion just jumps right out. Kids, adults -- doesn't matter, usually.
Orion is a winter constellation, and since the weather is getting colder, it is now being incorporated into my programs. A birthday party for 6 year olds was one of the programs this weekend, and Orion needed to make an appearance. Usually they know him, and like seeing him up there on the dome.
I usually try to get the to shout him out... I point him out, and say:
"A lot of people recognize this constellation in the sky. It is a big famous guy..."
[sometimes a kid has guessed "Orion!" by now... if not, I continue, and this always gets them...]
"...he's wearing a very famous belt..."
At this point in every other show I have done, the kids are shouting "ORION! ORION!"
Except this time. Silence. Utter and complete.
About 20 seconds of agony goes by, and I am about to tell them, when I hear a gasp of recognition as one kid yells out...
"SANTA!!"
I thought I was going to have to scrape the adults off the floor. They were in hysterics. I couldn't do anything though, since I was laughing as hard as they were.
Sniff.
I had FOUR birthday parties this weekend!! FOUR! Yeeps. I'm uncertain as to how I survived, but I am somewhat upright today.
The first people arrived, and a sweet little girl enetered the mostly empty hallway here at the college. She stopped for a second, squinched up her eyes and nose and said, to no one in particular, "It smells like a hospital in here."
"Really?" I said, a bit shocked. "I never noticed that. Sorry about that."
"That's OK," she said, "I like the smell of hospitals."
I know it was going to be an odd weekend.
I had FOUR birthday parties this weekend!! FOUR! Yeeps. I'm uncertain as to how I survived, but I am somewhat upright today.
The first people arrived, and a sweet little girl enetered the mostly empty hallway here at the college. She stopped for a second, squinched up her eyes and nose and said, to no one in particular, "It smells like a hospital in here."
"Really?" I said, a bit shocked. "I never noticed that. Sorry about that."
"That's OK," she said, "I like the smell of hospitals."
I know it was going to be an odd weekend.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
A life story...
*** Warning!! Another phone transcript is about to happen! ***
I had a woman call me up in order to set up a show for her boy scouts. The conversation went something like this...
Woman: Oh, thanks for calling me back, I know we had some messages back and forth, we call that phone tag, and I know we've been playing phone tag, but that's OK, I'm good at phone tag, a lot of times I will just pop out to run out for something and a lot of times that's when the call comes in but I usually pop right back, and then I can call right back! but a lot of times even though I popped right back, the person who I was trying to talk to has popped out by then so I leave another message and we phone tag! But I'm good at phone tag.
Me: Uhhhh...
Woman: So now we're actually talking! I knew we would eventually, that's how the phone tag usually goes. Sometimes it goes on for a while, but eventually you can actually talk. And I have some questions about doing a show for my boy scouts. I have 8 boys in my den, I am the leader of the den, and I have been doing this for two and half years, well it's not quite two and a half, more like two years and five months, but I think it's easier to say two and half years and most people get the idea. And I have a co-leader and she helps out a lot. And she would want and need to go to the show, so whenever we set up the Planetarium thing, we need to make sure that she can go, too.
Me: Ummmm...
Woman: So I want to set up a show for a Friday night in Novemeber and I was looking at the calendar and there are 4 Fridays but one of them is the day after Thanksgiving, I call that Thanksgiving Friday, and that one doesn't really count and that's OK, because we only meet every other Friday and that's not one of them anyway, and my co-leader is going to be away on the first Friday so we couldn't do it on that Friday we'd have to do it on the third Friday which is twenty first so that's when we would like to do it, can you do it then?
Me: Yeah.... I think we...
Woman: Oh, good because that's the day we would want to come and I am very excited about this WHOLE trip and I know the kids are too, but not as excited as me because I've looked at the stars FOREVER, but not around here because of all the lights that are around that make it difficult to see any of the stars but I didn't grow up around here I was west of here and you totally see more stars than you can around here, but I remember that when I was in Australia it was awesome because you could see even more stars -- so many that you can't even recognize them, I mean, I could find the Southern Cross all good, but that was it, I just laid back and got lost in all those stars, so many more than you ever see up here. A lot more.
Me: Um...
Woman: OK, so I will tell my co-leader that we will do it that day, I'll call her but she won't be home because she works. Well, she doesn't work EVERY day, but some days, and today is a work day for her so she won't be home, but I will leave a message, and she'll get it. She's used to me calling and leaving messages, I do that all the time, I am really good at phone tag, because I pop out real quick a lot of the time and people call when I am out and leave a message and then I have to get back to them. But my co-leader is at work, so she'll just get back to me later, and besides I'll see her tonight at the council meeting, because she's going to be there, and I'm going to be there, and I know she'll have to be there because she has to pay for a sweatshirt.
Me: Uhhh...
This goes on for a very, very long time. I'll stop here because I reckon you get the point.
*** Warning!! Another phone transcript is about to happen! ***
I had a woman call me up in order to set up a show for her boy scouts. The conversation went something like this...
Woman: Oh, thanks for calling me back, I know we had some messages back and forth, we call that phone tag, and I know we've been playing phone tag, but that's OK, I'm good at phone tag, a lot of times I will just pop out to run out for something and a lot of times that's when the call comes in but I usually pop right back, and then I can call right back! but a lot of times even though I popped right back, the person who I was trying to talk to has popped out by then so I leave another message and we phone tag! But I'm good at phone tag.
Me: Uhhhh...
Woman: So now we're actually talking! I knew we would eventually, that's how the phone tag usually goes. Sometimes it goes on for a while, but eventually you can actually talk. And I have some questions about doing a show for my boy scouts. I have 8 boys in my den, I am the leader of the den, and I have been doing this for two and half years, well it's not quite two and a half, more like two years and five months, but I think it's easier to say two and half years and most people get the idea. And I have a co-leader and she helps out a lot. And she would want and need to go to the show, so whenever we set up the Planetarium thing, we need to make sure that she can go, too.
Me: Ummmm...
Woman: So I want to set up a show for a Friday night in Novemeber and I was looking at the calendar and there are 4 Fridays but one of them is the day after Thanksgiving, I call that Thanksgiving Friday, and that one doesn't really count and that's OK, because we only meet every other Friday and that's not one of them anyway, and my co-leader is going to be away on the first Friday so we couldn't do it on that Friday we'd have to do it on the third Friday which is twenty first so that's when we would like to do it, can you do it then?
Me: Yeah.... I think we...
Woman: Oh, good because that's the day we would want to come and I am very excited about this WHOLE trip and I know the kids are too, but not as excited as me because I've looked at the stars FOREVER, but not around here because of all the lights that are around that make it difficult to see any of the stars but I didn't grow up around here I was west of here and you totally see more stars than you can around here, but I remember that when I was in Australia it was awesome because you could see even more stars -- so many that you can't even recognize them, I mean, I could find the Southern Cross all good, but that was it, I just laid back and got lost in all those stars, so many more than you ever see up here. A lot more.
Me: Um...
Woman: OK, so I will tell my co-leader that we will do it that day, I'll call her but she won't be home because she works. Well, she doesn't work EVERY day, but some days, and today is a work day for her so she won't be home, but I will leave a message, and she'll get it. She's used to me calling and leaving messages, I do that all the time, I am really good at phone tag, because I pop out real quick a lot of the time and people call when I am out and leave a message and then I have to get back to them. But my co-leader is at work, so she'll just get back to me later, and besides I'll see her tonight at the council meeting, because she's going to be there, and I'm going to be there, and I know she'll have to be there because she has to pay for a sweatshirt.
Me: Uhhh...
This goes on for a very, very long time. I'll stop here because I reckon you get the point.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Unclear on the Concept.
I run a Planetarium!! Stars, planets, etc.
I know I have mentioned people asking for odd shows before, but I have to go back to it. (Really, how many different things can I possibly write about??)
On the reservation form, in the place where they are supposed to tell me what Space Science related things they want to see, I got this:
I just don't get it! It's a Planetarium! Not a Historitarium! Maybe they want some Roman constellations?? I really can't seem to stretch my brain far enough to figure out what it might be besides that. Unless they just have NO CLUE as to what facility they are coming to!
I'm going to stop offering the ability to pick your own show, I think. You get the moon, planets and stars.
Period.
I run a Planetarium!! Stars, planets, etc.
I know I have mentioned people asking for odd shows before, but I have to go back to it. (Really, how many different things can I possibly write about??)
On the reservation form, in the place where they are supposed to tell me what Space Science related things they want to see, I got this:
"We finished a unit on the Roman Empire, and I would like a program having to do with this topic."
I just don't get it! It's a Planetarium! Not a Historitarium! Maybe they want some Roman constellations?? I really can't seem to stretch my brain far enough to figure out what it might be besides that. Unless they just have NO CLUE as to what facility they are coming to!
I'm going to stop offering the ability to pick your own show, I think. You get the moon, planets and stars.
Period.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
The Good Kids.
[Here's a quick one -- really just a random thought than a story.]
I have people call all the time for parties or scout groups. I just got off the phone with a woman who wanted to bring her Brownies to the Planetarium. I gave her all the info. As I was spewing out the details she kept interrupting me to let me know that they are "very good girls; very well behaved."
Me: We can plan a show for any time, really, as it fits into my schedule...
Her: Oh, good! They're really good girls!
Me: And I can provide any content you would like. If they were working towards a badge or something...
Her: Right! Yeah, they're a good bunch of girls.
Me: You just need to pick a time and a topic, and we can make it happen...
Her: That'll be great. Cuz these girls are so good. Very mature. Very well-behaved.
Why did she insist on telling me this? Whenever I need to be assured that they are good kids, it generally means that they are the spawn of demons.
I think it's just something about the way I am wired -- when people work really hard to convince me of something, I find it harder and harder to believe. In a similar fashion, I will never buy a product which cheerfully states on its packaging that "IT REALLY WORKS!" I would just assume, if you are attempting to sell a product, that it does, indeed, at the very least, work. If you are so insecure that you must mention that it really works, I have a sneaking suspicion that it does not. When I am shopping, if a product does not have a sign telling me that it works, I do not have the impression that it does not work. "It really works!" goes into my brain as: "It really works! Seriously! No really! I mean it! C'mon, believe me! I'm totally not joking here! I don't want to beg, just buy me because I work! Really! C'mon, man, give a brother a break!"
I should be careful what I ask for -- I want people to just be truthful, and one of these days I'll get a call for a show....
"Hi, can you set up a show for my Boy Scouts? Oh, good, because these kids are hellions... they are vile and rude with no respect for themselves or others. They have no concern for the feelings of others or even of the sanctity of life itself. They get off on turturing puppies and setting things on fire. You'll do a show for them? That'll be great."
[Here's a quick one -- really just a random thought than a story.]
I have people call all the time for parties or scout groups. I just got off the phone with a woman who wanted to bring her Brownies to the Planetarium. I gave her all the info. As I was spewing out the details she kept interrupting me to let me know that they are "very good girls; very well behaved."
Me: We can plan a show for any time, really, as it fits into my schedule...
Her: Oh, good! They're really good girls!
Me: And I can provide any content you would like. If they were working towards a badge or something...
Her: Right! Yeah, they're a good bunch of girls.
Me: You just need to pick a time and a topic, and we can make it happen...
Her: That'll be great. Cuz these girls are so good. Very mature. Very well-behaved.
Why did she insist on telling me this? Whenever I need to be assured that they are good kids, it generally means that they are the spawn of demons.
I think it's just something about the way I am wired -- when people work really hard to convince me of something, I find it harder and harder to believe. In a similar fashion, I will never buy a product which cheerfully states on its packaging that "IT REALLY WORKS!" I would just assume, if you are attempting to sell a product, that it does, indeed, at the very least, work. If you are so insecure that you must mention that it really works, I have a sneaking suspicion that it does not. When I am shopping, if a product does not have a sign telling me that it works, I do not have the impression that it does not work. "It really works!" goes into my brain as: "It really works! Seriously! No really! I mean it! C'mon, believe me! I'm totally not joking here! I don't want to beg, just buy me because I work! Really! C'mon, man, give a brother a break!"
I should be careful what I ask for -- I want people to just be truthful, and one of these days I'll get a call for a show....
"Hi, can you set up a show for my Boy Scouts? Oh, good, because these kids are hellions... they are vile and rude with no respect for themselves or others. They have no concern for the feelings of others or even of the sanctity of life itself. They get off on turturing puppies and setting things on fire. You'll do a show for them? That'll be great."
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
I don't get how people just don't get it.
Hey folks -- I know it's been a while since I've posted. AND, as it turns out I probably shouldn't even be posting this. I am terribly busy and should be writing my monthly newletter which is already a week late. But I have to stop and transcribe a phone call I just received.
Me: Good afternoon, Planetarium, this is Mr. Astronomy guy.
Woman: Is this the Planetarium?
Me: Why yes, it is!
Woman: Oh.
[15 seconds of silence.]
Me: Can I help you?
Woman: I hope so. Do you do birthday parties at the Planetarium?
Me: **-sigh-** Yes, we do. As it fits into my schedule.
Woman: Well, I have a boy who is about to turn seven. Do you think that is a good age to bring him to the Planetarium?
Me: That all depends. Most of the programs I do are for kids around that age. Much of the time, they respond well, but for many of them, it is not appropriate.
Woman: What do you mean?
Me: Well, we don't have any automation here at the Planetarium. All the shows are done live. It's not like going to see a movie. It's sort of like a lecture. Some kids like that and can sit still, but some, especially at a birthday party, can't do that, and it just doesn't work.
[Yes, I am trying to talk the woman out of the idea without explicitly saying so.]
Woman: What about my son?
Me: [??!!] What about him?
Woman: Do you think it would be good for him?
Me: [blink. blink blink.] Ummm... I don't know your son.
Woman: Oh.
Me: Well, let me ask you this -- what made you think of the Planetarium? Is he interested is space things? Rockets? Planets? Stars? Galaxies?
Woman: No, not really.
Me: Oh. Well, how is his behavior? Does he like to sit and listen?
Woman: No. Not really. He's pretty antsy.
Me: I see.
Woman: So what do you think....?
Me: **--phoo-** I really don't think it will be appropriate. It doesn't sound like it will work. It sounds like he wouldn't appreciate it at all.
Woman: Oh.
[15 seconds of silence.]
Woman: Well, what dates do you have available?
Me: Excuse me?
Woman: When are you there for the birthday parties?
Me: Are you sure you want to have his party here?
Woman: Yeah, it sounds good!
Me: Are you sure?
Woman: Yeah.
Me: Really?
Woman: Yeah.
Why have the conversation at all?! Why even ask me if you're not going to listen?! Oof.
I'm sure that party will make it into the Bloggery. Stay tuned...
Hey folks -- I know it's been a while since I've posted. AND, as it turns out I probably shouldn't even be posting this. I am terribly busy and should be writing my monthly newletter which is already a week late. But I have to stop and transcribe a phone call I just received.
Me: Good afternoon, Planetarium, this is Mr. Astronomy guy.
Woman: Is this the Planetarium?
Me: Why yes, it is!
Woman: Oh.
[15 seconds of silence.]
Me: Can I help you?
Woman: I hope so. Do you do birthday parties at the Planetarium?
Me: **-sigh-** Yes, we do. As it fits into my schedule.
Woman: Well, I have a boy who is about to turn seven. Do you think that is a good age to bring him to the Planetarium?
Me: That all depends. Most of the programs I do are for kids around that age. Much of the time, they respond well, but for many of them, it is not appropriate.
Woman: What do you mean?
Me: Well, we don't have any automation here at the Planetarium. All the shows are done live. It's not like going to see a movie. It's sort of like a lecture. Some kids like that and can sit still, but some, especially at a birthday party, can't do that, and it just doesn't work.
[Yes, I am trying to talk the woman out of the idea without explicitly saying so.]
Woman: What about my son?
Me: [??!!] What about him?
Woman: Do you think it would be good for him?
Me: [blink. blink blink.] Ummm... I don't know your son.
Woman: Oh.
Me: Well, let me ask you this -- what made you think of the Planetarium? Is he interested is space things? Rockets? Planets? Stars? Galaxies?
Woman: No, not really.
Me: Oh. Well, how is his behavior? Does he like to sit and listen?
Woman: No. Not really. He's pretty antsy.
Me: I see.
Woman: So what do you think....?
Me: **--phoo-** I really don't think it will be appropriate. It doesn't sound like it will work. It sounds like he wouldn't appreciate it at all.
Woman: Oh.
[15 seconds of silence.]
Woman: Well, what dates do you have available?
Me: Excuse me?
Woman: When are you there for the birthday parties?
Me: Are you sure you want to have his party here?
Woman: Yeah, it sounds good!
Me: Are you sure?
Woman: Yeah.
Me: Really?
Woman: Yeah.
Why have the conversation at all?! Why even ask me if you're not going to listen?! Oof.
I'm sure that party will make it into the Bloggery. Stay tuned...